Communication: Efficiency versus Effectiveness

 

Do we rely too much on text and email for communication these days?  I think so. And this reliance will only grow.  

Recently I was contacted about speaking at an online event. During some back and forth, the booker requested a list of topics and their duration and she’d let me know if there was a fit.  I was happy to provide such a list but also requested time to talk. Occasionally when I’m asked to speak to a group it’s simply because a booker needs some content, almost any content. But usually, a presentation helps a group make some progress on a problem or issue they’re working to solve, or assists the group with skill development.  If I am able to understand the problems or issues they’re dealing with, a little tweaking of material, and perhaps a little research, increases the impact of a presentation.  

This recent request reinforced for me the seeming efficiency of e-mail and text, but the opportunities missed when we don’t speak with the human. Email communication lacks the subtlety and intimacy of voice, or in-person, communication.  Perhaps the digital products will evolve, but at this point they fail in this measure.

I speak generally on communication skills, leadership skills, and sometimes on sales and marketing topics. In this interaction the booker looked at my descriptions and thought the topics were too general for her group. However, during our conversation I asked what challenges the group was working on. She said they’re having some issues with teams working within silos, and there has been some distrust and subtle conflict amongst leaders of teams that need to work well together. (I wrote about perceived conflict here Perceived Conflict)

I indicated that I do sometimes speak about one-on-one conflict, perceived conflict, and team dynamics and achievement, and this would likely fit well with her needs. We talked further and decided there is a fit.

Is E-mail Inefficient?

My purpose in sharing this experience is to show an incident where electronic back-and-forth was insufficient in understanding a mutual opportunity. Our e-mails didn’t enable me to understand the issues the group was managing, or the booker to understand the value available with a presentation. E-mail is often a good choice, but not always.

Back in 2015, I shared lunch with Jim Clemmer, a leadership expert based in the Greater Toronto Area. Earlier that day, I had presented Jim with a leadership award and recognition from Toastmasters International.  Over lunch we discussed the gap between digital communication and verbal communication. He later wrote about the topic and he included a helpful table. I particularly liked how he highlighted where inspiration, courageous conversations, and personal connection occurs.  You don’t need to see the table to know which column these benefits are in, but regardless, here is a link to his post https://www.clemmergroup.com/blog/2015/11/19/communication-confusion-balancing-electronic-and-human-connections/

A Tree Falls In The Forest

It seems to me that as humans we don’t often consider which is the best medium for delivering a message, and email provides a very fast, convenient option to just get it done and delivered. Too often our priority is efficiency of distribution, and we don’t consider the effectiveness of message receipt.

If the message isn’t received and understood, then communication has not taken place. A tree fell in a forest.

Dealing With Team Conflict, Real And Perceived

Some years ago I was working on a project with a team comprised of senior leaders. On a conference call, I had a couple of awkward interactions with one of the team members. I felt that he made some dismissive comments in response to some of my comments after which there occurred some awkward silence.  So, I quickly emailed him and suggested we book time to talk.  And we did. It was scheduled for noon on a Thursday in my Atlantic time zone. 

As noon on that Thursday drew near, I was dreading the conversation.  At noon I called him and I began with ‘how’s the weather in your part of the world?’  He said it was fine and he asked the same of me. After I shared niceties about our fantastic weather in Saint John I quickly moved to the purpose of the conversation.   

I said ‘I get the feeling you are upset with me.’

He responded ‘No, I thought you were upset with me.’ 

I responded that I wasn’t and then we talked about our recent interactions.  We realized we had misinterpreted responses and intentions.  It was still a little awkward but a new and better awkward. 

What continues to amaze me about this interaction is that based on our misinterpretations, we created some weirdness in our relationship. If we had not addressed the perceived issues, I am confident that to this day that weirdness would persist, and if asked I’d be saying ‘I don’t know what it is, but we’ve never been comfortable working together.’ However, we addressed the issues early and we continue to comfortably do occasional work together. 

How To Manage One-On-One Conflict 

I write this because these scenarios of conflict are common.  Dealing with conflict, real or perceived, is one element of leadership.  Here is my approach or dealing with these scenarios;

1. Schedule a time to talk one on one

2. After niceties say something like ‘I get the sense you’re upset with me.’  It’s important to have specific examples ready, but start with a general statement as you might be entirely wrong on why the other person may be upset with you.  Don’t start with a specific example. 

3. If the other person doesn’t want to address the issue let it go.  There will be a future opportunity to try this approach again. 

4. If the person does want to address the conflict let her talk.  Your role is to listen and only say ‘I see,’ and ‘ok.’  This doesn’t mean you agree with all she is saying but you want to acknowledge that you’re listening.  When there is conflict, you’re dealing with emotion and you need to let the other person tell you why she has reacted as she has. Let her tell her full story. 

5. As the other person tells you how he feels you wronged him, he will likely lose eye contact as he replays the scene in his head and describes it to you. Just keep listening. 

6. Eventually the story will wind down. Be comfortable with some silence.  As the emotion is expunged, you’ll start to get eye contact again.  Test for completion with ‘Okay. I see.  Anything else?’  If there’s more, continue to listen. 

7. If there’s nothing more ask this key question, “Where do we go from here?’   90% of the time the other person will say ‘I just want to do my job, and I’m glad we had this conversation.’  If they don’t say that, that’s another level of conflict management and another article for another day.

8. In a team environment, your goal in managing conflict is to repair a working relationship, to be able to work together.  You might become friends in the future, but in most situations, we simply need to be respectful and learn to work together. 

Accepting That Conflict Will Occur

Differing view points about goals, strategies and results is not uncommon.  A disagreement about goals, strategies and results isn’t usually a personal attack. It’s always advisable to listen to other viewpoints and consider the pros and cons of other interpretations   We all want to be listened to and respected.

That said, when conflict occurs, or is perceived to be present, effective leaders work quickly to understand it, manage it and resolve it.