Comfort Zones, Leadership and Listening

 

“Most people listen with the intent to reply, rather than with the intent to understand.”

That’s a quote from author Steven Covey from his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Do you agree with the sentiment? I admit that there are times when I’m simply waiting for my turn to talk. This usually happens when I’ve heard something I disagree with and feel a need to assert my point of view.  

I have become better over the years in these situations by simply making a note of my point, then focusing again on listening, and then making my point later. This is helpful as a participant or leader of contentious meetings.  I wrote about running better meetings here amazon.com/author/jimkokocki

I’ve improved my listening skills because of personal experiences, and because of roles I’ve served in business and volunteer groups. My active listening skills have improved immensely because of my weekly participation at a Toastmasters club.

At Toastmasters I’m often invited to evaluate a speech. While Toastmasters isn’t a pass/fail organization it is critical, if we’re to be effective at developing the communication and leadership skills of participants , that we listen effectively, and offer commendation and any suggestions for improvement with grace, protecting the self-esteem of the member.

There are other ways Toastmasters members practice listening skills at our meetings. For example, one member counts and reports on the use of ums and ahs, you knows, and other filler words and phrases. Most people will use a small quantity, but overuse becomes distracting and impedes the ability of an audience to receive and process a message.

Listening is also critical as a coaching skill. At times people simply need a sympathetic ear. When conflict occurs often the people involved merely need to tell their view of the conflict.  Most people don’t want to hold anger for a long time. Sometimes they simply need to tell their story and expunge the rage.  You can read more about managing conflict here https://gycz.blogspot.com/2022/02/dealing-with-team-conflict-real-and.html

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”  That was said by Bernard Baruch who was a massively successful businessman and statesman  (https://www.encyclopedia.com/people/history/us-history-biographies/bernard-m-baruch)

You can find abundant material offering methods to become a more skilled listener. Some good techniques to enhance your knowledge are offered here https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/10-simple-steps-to-highly-effective-listening.html

 Some knowledge of techniques and approaches is helpful. But listening is a skill. How are you practicing and improving your listening skills?

The Cost of Poor Communication Skills

Yesterday I was speaking with a Toastmasters friend from the eastern U.S. and he told me that the Toastmasters clubs in his area will be soon benefitting from some press coverage, sadly at the expense of some other worthy membership-based organizations.  He said that a newspaper columnist decided to write a series on the theme of New Years resolutions and she contacted organizations that people often turn to in order to act on these resolutions, for example, gyms, yoga studios, and others.   My friend had an interview with the columnist and at the end of the interview the columnist said she’s had trouble getting a response from many organizations but when she contacted toastmaster clubs each was very quick to respond.  Why do you suppose that is?

Is Public Speaking A Core Skill?

Are Toastmasters clubs better at public relations than other small organizations?   While Toastmasters is a large organization operating in 149 countries, each of the 16,000 clubs is a small organization, and in essence a very small business.  I’d like to believe the clubs are especially strong at PR but I don’t think so.  However, I know that the club members are confident about expressing their thoughts and ideas, and I speculate this is why our club members are prompt to respond to requests for interviews.  As a result of this confidence, more clubs will be featured by the columnist.  This is an opportunity lost for some organizations, and an opportunity gained for these Toastmasters clubs.

Do we treat public speaking as a core skill?  We should. It’s difficult to persuade a team, or make a sale to a prospect if you can’t communicate clearly. Related to this, yesterday I attended a briefing from a U.S. university about a program I have some interest in.   The session started with an introduction by the administrative lead, and further details were provided by the professor who delivers the program.   The professor was a clear communicator with simple, short sentences and well-organized thoughts.  The administrative lead was a poor communicator.  His presentation was not well organized and filled with ums and ahs.   At one point he uttered ah three times in a row as he struggled to gather his thoughts.  Silence would have been preferred, and fine. I found his speech habits terribly distracting in working to receive his message

Efforts Of A Listener

When someone is not skilled as a communicator, a listener will usually make the effort to interpret and organize what he or she is hearing.  And we’ll fight through unhelpful utterances like um and ah – to a point.  If we determine the information isn’t pertinent, or interesting, or too difficult to interpret, we stop making the effort, and this was the case for me yesterday.  I listened to the professor and enjoyed her content, but when the administrator resumed the session towards the end to make the pitch to signup, I listened briefly but then wasn’t willing to endure more of his poorly communicated speech.  That is likely my loss.  

So yesterday I heard the story of how some Toastmasters clubs will get some press coverage because they were prompt and confident to communicate their story. And I experienced a sales pitch so poor in its presentation that I disconnected from the session before hearing the full pitch.

There are benefits to good communication, and costs to poor communication.  Sometimes those costs aren’t readily recognizable.  Is this lack of skill in public speaking holding back you or your organization?

A Perspective from SHRM on The Cost of Poor Communication

Here is a perspective from the The Society for Human Resource Management

https://www.shrm.org/ResourcesAndTools/hr-topics/behavioral-competencies/communication/Pages/The-Cost-of-Poor-Communications.aspx

10 Ways Toastmasters Can Boost Your Career

 

An excellent article on the benefits of joining a Toastmasters club 

https://www.livecareer.com/resources/jobs/search/boost-career

Get To The Point - Establishing The Point of Your Presentation

The link below provides access to an excellent article I discovered.  Often when I coach speakers, they struggle defining their purpose or their point. There is no need to overthink this, but a speaker needs to have a point and be clear about it. 

Here’s a quick exercise to define your purpose;

1. Why were you selected to speak to this audience on this subject? 

2. Decide what you want this audience to understand or do as a result of hearing your presentation.

3. Once you've decided this, make sure you communicate your purpose at the beginning and end of your presentation.   Everything you say in between best support this purpose. 

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/19/stop-rambling-use-this-easy-trick-to-get-to-the-point-faster-says-public-speaking-expert.html

16 Minute Podcast Interview On Communication and Leadership

 

Below is a link to a 16 minute interview with Elton and Rita on their SpeakUP podcast primarily about my personal experience in Toastmasters here in Saint John and worldwide.  

https://www.buzzsprout.com/811460/9496856

Working Outside Your Comfort Zone - Montreal Expos and Los Angeles Dodgers

 

You might enjoy this article about Steve Rogers, a very successful starting pitcher for the Montreal Expos back in the 70s and 80s. He was a dominant pitcher on the club and as this article states he had won three games in the 1981 playoffs.  That’s impressive.

However, in the playoffs when teams face a win-or-go-home scenario players are required to step outside of their comfort zone and fill an unfamiliar role.  Rogers the starting pitcher was asked to become Rogers the relief pitcher during the deciding game against the Los Angeles Dodgers.  This interrupted his routine of starting a game, then having a few days of rest and recovery before starting another game. 

The Expos sent Rogers, their best pitcher, to the mound as a reliever for the ninth inning in the deciding game and he delivered a home-run pitch to Rick Monday of the Dodgers, who would then go on to win the World Series versus the New York Yankees in six games. Expos fans like me remember this well.   Rogers won three games in the 1981 playoffs yet this is what we remember.

It’s an interesting story and read when thinking about how we respond when we are outside of our comfort zone.

https://montrealgazette.com/sports/former-expo-rogers-relives-blue-monday

Public Speaking - Growing Your Comfort Zone

 

Public Speaking - Growing Your Comfort Zone

Do you want to become a more effective public speaker?  Or to simply learn to manage a fear of public speaking?  Then you’re going to need to practice by speaking in public.  Public speaking is a skill, and skills require practice. Watching videos and reading books can offer you knowledge, however knowledge isn’t enough – you need to exercise the skill.

I recommend visiting a Toastmasters club and joining a club. All clubs have their own culture so find one you like. At Toastmasters you’ll be invited to deliver five-to-seven minute speeches, offer two-minute talks, and provide verbal feedback to other speakers,

So if you want grow your comfort zone as it relates to public speaking, join a Toastmasters club and start speaking. Speak about your projects, your ambitions and your passions.