How To Sound Unconfident

While I was killing time watching some short clips stream past on social media, a promotion piece ran.  While I didn’t pay much attention at the time, it has stuck with me and I continue to think about it.

The speaker offered three tips and the one that has stuck with me encouraged viewers to eliminate filler words when they speak.  The artist said every filler word makes you sound uncertain and unconfident (her choice of word). I agree.

Poor Habits

We become comfortable in our speaking habits. Most of us will use an occasional ‘um,’ “ah,” “like,” or “you know” as they work through their thoughts.  However, when these non-words and low-value additions become pervasive in our speech patterns, most listeners will pick up on the hesitation, and interpret your usage as uncertainty and lack of confidence.    

 

Poor Role Models

We learn from people around us, and particularly those in media. Many exhibit poor speech habits.  You can likely think of a public figure who uses ums and ahs extensively.   I quickly recall a former politician as he would routinely start his sentences with an um.  I can’t understand why he needed an um to get started.  That must have driven his staff to distraction. 

As a listener, I can and I would filter that non-word out, but I always think about how easy it would be for him to correct his adopted habit. Why would he repeatedly start a sentence with a noise that isn’t word?

How To Correct Poor Speech Habits

Correction starts with awareness, and then substituting a good habit.   A brief pause is a much better habit.  A pause does not require a listener to filter, and even allows the listener to think about what she’s heard, instead of processing, or purifying, new input.

If you know someone who uses excessive filler words, be very careful before you call this to his or her attention. Most people believe they’re effective communicators, even if you struggle to process their speech. Most listeners will fight through the challenges to understand a message if the message is important to us.  

 

Landing Your Message

I hope you’ve observed  that the most effective speakers use actual words, and few non-words and noises, to deliver their messages. When listeners need to filter and select actual words, the speaker is requiring the listener to work harder.

Listening can be hard work. Processing a message can be hard work. Determining a speaker’s message can be hard work.

It is our job as communicators, as speakers and leaders, to make our messages easy to understand.

 

 

69% of Managers Won’t Communicate With Their Team?

I’ve been reading The Song of Significance by Seth Godin. The book is organized into 144 very short chapters. He writes so well and offers such thought provoking material.

Chapter 92 is titled Work to Be Done where Godin quotes Lou Solomon from a Harvard Business Review study that indicates 69% of managers are uncomfortable with the essential need of communicating with their employees. Godin writes that he believes many of the other 31% are lying.

My Early Experience Leading Teams

My memory of early experiences leading teams is imperfect, but I do recall being particularly uncomfortable getting started with team communication. How should one organize an initial meeting?

I found, or created, a simple model that I’ve used ever since for beginning team meetings. It’s effective for grounding teams on shared goals, and promoting behaviors and habits we want to see repeated.  The model focuses on Goals-Progress-Behaviors (GPB).

After pleasantries and recognizing significant personal achievements or circumstances, I always start meetings with this model;

1.  Goals and Why

a.  These are the team goals and why they were selected or assigned

2.  Progress

a.  This is the team’s progress toward these goals.  This usually involves looking at a scorecard of some sort

3.  Behaviors

a.  These are actions or behaviors that specific team members are taking and are contributing to goal achievement. The not too subtle message is that this is the sort of effort that will be recognized, and we’d like to see team members do more of this type of activity.

4.  Next steps

a.  A discussion of what actions and behaviors will help the team reach the scorecard goals

5.  Anything and everything else

 

I’ve been invited to speak on this topic several times. Once after presenting I decided to document the process further in a book. I wrote and made available an e-book available here on Amazon sites worldwide including at this link https://a.co/d/6szUOEt

I also wrote a blog post on recognizing the opportunity to write the book https://gycz.blogspot.com/2022/05/listening-paying-attention-opportunity.html

 

Conclusion

The estimate that 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with their team members seems high to me. But Godin has written 78 books and sold million of copies, many more than me.

As in most situations, some simple, repeatable models and approaches can make this task easier for developing managers.