Comfort Zones, Leadership and Listening

 

“Most people listen with the intent to reply, rather than with the intent to understand.”

That’s a quote from author Steven Covey from his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Do you agree with the sentiment? I admit that there are times when I’m simply waiting for my turn to talk. This usually happens when I’ve heard something I disagree with and feel a need to assert my point of view.  

I have become better over the years in these situations by simply making a note of my point, then focusing again on listening, and then making my point later. This is helpful as a participant or leader of contentious meetings.  I wrote about running better meetings here amazon.com/author/jimkokocki

I’ve improved my listening skills because of personal experiences, and because of roles I’ve served in business and volunteer groups. My active listening skills have improved immensely because of my weekly participation at a Toastmasters club.

At Toastmasters I’m often invited to evaluate a speech. While Toastmasters isn’t a pass/fail organization it is critical, if we’re to be effective at developing the communication and leadership skills of participants , that we listen effectively, and offer commendation and any suggestions for improvement with grace, protecting the self-esteem of the member.

There are other ways Toastmasters members practice listening skills at our meetings. For example, one member counts and reports on the use of ums and ahs, you knows, and other filler words and phrases. Most people will use a small quantity, but overuse becomes distracting and impedes the ability of an audience to receive and process a message.

Listening is also critical as a coaching skill. At times people simply need a sympathetic ear. When conflict occurs often the people involved merely need to tell their view of the conflict.  Most people don’t want to hold anger for a long time. Sometimes they simply need to tell their story and expunge the rage.  You can read more about managing conflict here https://gycz.blogspot.com/2022/02/dealing-with-team-conflict-real-and.html

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”  That was said by Bernard Baruch who was a massively successful businessman and statesman  (https://www.encyclopedia.com/people/history/us-history-biographies/bernard-m-baruch)

You can find abundant material offering methods to become a more skilled listener. Some good techniques to enhance your knowledge are offered here https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/10-simple-steps-to-highly-effective-listening.html

 Some knowledge of techniques and approaches is helpful. But listening is a skill. How are you practicing and improving your listening skills?

Listening & Paying Attention: An Opportunity For A New Book

 In March I was invited to speak to the Atlantic Chapter of the Canadian Public Relations Society (https://www.cprs.ca/) on the topic of running effective meetings and injecting some fun into meetings.

I have a well-defined approach to speak about running effective meetings, however while I do believe I am skilled at injecting some fun and levity, I wasn’t quite sure how to advise a group on how to do so. But I considered my approach and experience, performed some research, and did speak to the group on this topic.

Injecting some levity into a meeting depends on situations and opportunities spontaneously occurring, and on leader skill, confidence and readiness. If the leader is nervous when running a meeting, then the climate won’t be relaxed and inclined for humor and levity. However, a leader can plan for some fun. 

Planning to inject some fun makes me more nervous than responding in the moment, as I worry about whether the participants will think the planned fun activity is frivolous or a waste of time.  That said, during my presentation to the public relations society, I mentioned a couple of planned fun activities I’ve tried in recent years, and mentioned a couple of options I recently researched. The best I discovered is one called Zoom Tic-Tac-Toe, or “X and O’s.”  Or I suppose you can call it Skype Tic-Tac-Toe or Teams Tic-Tac-Toe or any another platform Tic-Tac-Toe.  

How To Play Zoom Tic-Tac-Toe

All attendees turn off their video except for nine attendees. Then the two combatants alternate instructing those visible on screen with instructions like “Amy make the shape of an X with your arms,” and “Matea make the shape of an O with your arms” until a player completes a line of three.  Part of the fun in this is that the attendees on screen display in differing sequences for the combatants and for everyone on the call. So once a winner declares that she has completed a line of three, you can ask the winner to take a screen shot and share it with the group - if you have concerns about Tic-Tac-Toe fraudsters.

Here are some other online game ideas should you feel daring https://teambuilding.com/blog/zoom-meeting-ideas

My  Lesson

The lesson for me resulting from this request to speak has been that I should be alert when someone is asking me to speak or provide significant commentary on a problem or issue. If someone has interest in my point of view or experience, then that is an opportunity to write a blog or a short book. Being opportunistic, I did write a new book on this topic. The book is only 5,000 words or approximately 20 pages, and approximately 10 times larger than this blog post, but the content is relevant and good.  

Because of the small size of the book, my intention is that it is a Kindle e-book only. I released it on Kindle on May 7^th, 2022 and I have done no promotion whatsoever, but there are already some decent results. So, it appears the theme and title are attractive to Kindle readers. 

In the future I plan to pay better attention to requests for speaking or commentary, and leverage the material with a blog or perhaps an e-book. If you’re interested in the new Kindle product Run Better Meetings: Get Better Results please see amazon.com/author/jimkokocki

I offer this post to you because perhaps you the reader may also have the chance to be more opportunistic and be better attuned to what people consider your expertise. No sense letting opportunities pass unrealized and without thoughtful consideration.