Comfort Zones, Leadership and Listening

 

“Most people listen with the intent to reply, rather than with the intent to understand.”

That’s a quote from author Steven Covey from his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Do you agree with the sentiment? I admit that there are times when I’m simply waiting for my turn to talk. This usually happens when I’ve heard something I disagree with and feel a need to assert my point of view.  

I have become better over the years in these situations by simply making a note of my point, then focusing again on listening, and then making my point later. This is helpful as a participant or leader of contentious meetings.  I wrote about running better meetings here amazon.com/author/jimkokocki

I’ve improved my listening skills because of personal experiences, and because of roles I’ve served in business and volunteer groups. My active listening skills have improved immensely because of my weekly participation at a Toastmasters club.

At Toastmasters I’m often invited to evaluate a speech. While Toastmasters isn’t a pass/fail organization it is critical, if we’re to be effective at developing the communication and leadership skills of participants , that we listen effectively, and offer commendation and any suggestions for improvement with grace, protecting the self-esteem of the member.

There are other ways Toastmasters members practice listening skills at our meetings. For example, one member counts and reports on the use of ums and ahs, you knows, and other filler words and phrases. Most people will use a small quantity, but overuse becomes distracting and impedes the ability of an audience to receive and process a message.

Listening is also critical as a coaching skill. At times people simply need a sympathetic ear. When conflict occurs often the people involved merely need to tell their view of the conflict.  Most people don’t want to hold anger for a long time. Sometimes they simply need to tell their story and expunge the rage.  You can read more about managing conflict here https://gycz.blogspot.com/2022/02/dealing-with-team-conflict-real-and.html

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”  That was said by Bernard Baruch who was a massively successful businessman and statesman  (https://www.encyclopedia.com/people/history/us-history-biographies/bernard-m-baruch)

You can find abundant material offering methods to become a more skilled listener. Some good techniques to enhance your knowledge are offered here https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/10-simple-steps-to-highly-effective-listening.html

 Some knowledge of techniques and approaches is helpful. But listening is a skill. How are you practicing and improving your listening skills?