How To (Not) Pick A Side During A Meeting

 In early May 2026, I delivered two 50-minute keynote-style presentations in London, Ontario at a Toastmaster conference for the high achieving District 86 Toastmasters team.

Particularly in longer presentations, I work to include some time for questions and answers as this adds value for audience members, gives me insight into how attendees have heard and processed my communication, and I sometimes hear about experiences that have been triggered by hearing my material. Here’s an example.

The Scenario

After I spoke about managing interpersonal conflict, an audience member described a scenario.  She said she had been in a meeting, and two attendees were in a heated argument. At one point, one of the gentlemen turned to her and asked “who do you think has offered the better approach here today?”

That’s awkward.

I asked her where she works, which drew considerable laughs.  I quickly told her I was joking and she didn’t need to share her work place. I do remain curious, although that’s none of my business. And of course, it could have been any of a thousand businesses, and any of a thousand meetings. 

Defer, Defer, Defer

If asked a question like this one, I can only offer my opinion, and a process, on what I would do in a similar situation, or what I hope I would do in a similar situation, with grace, skill and composure. 

I wasn’t in the room, I don’t understand the workplace culture and formal and informal hierarchy, I wasn’t immersed in the emotion of the moment, or caught in surprise at the time. I was put on the spot during my presentation, and offered my opinion, and a process.

My suggestion to her, my description of what I would hope to do in that situation was to respond, but defer offering a definitive answer.  That could sound something like;

“Gosh you’ve both offered some excellent points and solid rationale.  I’ve made some mental notes but I’d like some time to think over the two options before deciding which I believe is the better choice.”

 

Then I suggested once the meeting concluded he would immediately forget that he asked for her opinion, and she’d never need to offer it.  I’m 90% confident that while she was asked for her point of view, the gentleman who asked was only looking for an ally for his side, and in that moment.

Once the meeting concluded, I would never bring it up again. One might be tempted to revisit and respond a couple of days after the incident, but I expect the request was quickly forgotten.  There would be no need to ever initiate a conversation about it again.

 

Conclusion

It is challenging to respond when put on the spot.  It’s much more difficult when emotion is involved, and power structures are at play.

In such situations, a good starting point is to blandly and briefly comment on what you’ve heard by praising both sides, and defer offering your point of view. 

If you’re fortunate you can defer forever.